As part of a fairly well established couple, sometimes I forget how things work on the ‘outside’. Or at least, the outside of our little universe. Sometimes I have to catch myself because friends will share relationship stories (and sometime relationship disasters) and I find myself amazed at the problems people encounter. I do my best to sympathize and offer advice, if I can. Often I find I just have to listen. NEPA Groom and I have only ever dated each other, so I can’t pretend I understand the ins and outs of every relationship problem.
Last week, a work friend said to me, “You guys are so cute. It’s nice to watch you both because you, you know, genuinely enjoy each other’s company and I’m glad to know that it’s actually happening out there.”
It was kind of heavy. I don’t like the idea that we’re out there, a happy little monogamous island to ourselves. I don’t think our relationship is as unusual and hard to achieve as it seems either. But I don’t want to fool anyone – it’s hard work to commit to someone, and I’m sure it only gets harder. But it also gets more rewarding. We went into this because we wanted to be with each other. And we still want to be with each other, so we do what we need to each day to make that bond stronger. I don’t have a magic formula, but some of the things that have helped us:
1. Stop thinking about you. Well, not all the time. You should still have goals and dreams and wants. Don’t become just half of a couple. You’re still you. But when you look at your goals and dreams and wants, do you think about how that affects your partner? Or do you think about their goals and what you can do to help? Their goals should be yours, and vice versa. You grow and improve together.
2. Be honest. Whatever it is, just tell them. You smoked weed last week in college? Fess up. You lied about drinking the last beer in the fridge? Tell ‘em and buy them more! You had some past issues with boyfriends/girlfriends/the law/your parents? Let them know. After a certain point, it’s not ok to have secret emotional baggage.
3. Lighten up. This has been the hardest for me. If you can’t laugh and have fun, then what’s the point:
What do you all think are the keys to a good relationship? What kind of advice have you been given that has helped your marriage?
Honestly, I think it helps that you two were friends before you started dating. You (the plural “you”) also seem to care about each other’s interests–I think that helps, too.
I think you are so right about lightening up! Its so important!
Plus, you’re both awesome people
So that helps too!
letting all the little stuff go and (based on my current situation) enjoyin/making the most of the time together
E – yeah I think that does help. We actually liked hanging out at as friends first.
Chocolate Lover – yeah! I take things so seriously sometimes and it always ends badly for us, lol. Learning to laugh is important.
Alicia – awwww :-*
L – good points! I think even if you live right next door to each other, you still need to appreciate the time spent together!