A couple of days ago, NEPA mom dug up a little something for me to use on my wedding day. It’s absolutely going to be my “something old” on the day of. So what did we find?

What’s this now? Not sure?

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As part of a fairly well established couple, sometimes I forget how things work on the ‘outside’. Or at least, the outside of our little universe. Sometimes I have to catch myself because friends will share relationship stories (and sometime relationship disasters) and I find myself amazed at the problems people encounter. I do my best to sympathize and offer advice, if I can. Often I find I just have to listen. NEPA Groom and I have only ever dated each other, so I can’t pretend I understand the ins and outs of every relationship problem.

Last week, a work friend said to me, “You guys are so cute. It’s nice to watch you both because you, you know, genuinely enjoy each other’s company and I’m glad to know that it’s actually happening out there.”

It was kind of heavy. I don’t like the idea that we’re out there, a happy little monogamous island to ourselves. I don’t think our relationship is as unusual and hard to achieve as it seems either. But I don’t want to fool anyone – it’s hard work to commit to someone, and I’m sure it only gets harder. But it also gets more rewarding. We went into this because we wanted to be with each other. And we still want to be with each other, so we do what we need to each day to make that bond stronger. I don’t have a magic formula, but some of the things that have helped us:

1. Stop thinking about you. Well, not all the time. You should still have goals and dreams and wants. Don’t become just half of a couple. You’re still you. But when you look at your goals and dreams and wants, do you think about how that affects your partner? Or do you think about their goals and what you can do to help? Their goals should be yours, and vice versa. You grow and improve together.

2. Be honest. Whatever it is, just tell them. You smoked weed last week in college? Fess up. You lied about drinking the last beer in the fridge? Tell ‘em and buy them more! You had some past issues with boyfriends/girlfriends/the law/your parents? Let them know. After a certain point, it’s not ok to have secret emotional baggage.

3. Lighten up. This has been the hardest for me. If you can’t laugh and have fun, then what’s the point:

What do you all think are the keys to a good relationship? What kind of advice have you been given that has helped your marriage?

This isn’t the start of a new regular column (but maybe it should be?!?!?) – I’ve just had a rough week and haven’t wanted to post or even be near a computer once I leave work for the day. Here are all the good things that happened this week, some wedding related and some not:

• A box full of pretty came from Sephora for me today.
• The DJ a co-worker recommended to me has already gotten in touch and sent me a sample DVD and price list.
• Some sample invitations I ordered from Wedding Paper Divas came this week. I think we have a winner, but you’ve gotta wait to find out!
• The NFL regular season starts tonight. Now I can’t wait for SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! to go watch our game at FSIL’s.
• Speaking of FSIL…. now that we’ve asked FBIL to be the best man, now we can ask her and her boyfriend to be in the wedding party! (we needed to wait, on the 1 in a million chance FBIL said no, lol)
• Tomorrow is Friday.
• It was 68 degrees outside today. That’s sweater weather! I *heart* sweater weather. Further confirming that getting married in the fall will be awesome.

What kind of things are you thankful for? Have you ever had to stop in the wedding planning process to remind yourself how good you have it?

I have a beef dear readers. And no, it’s not with anyone here. Sharing the unfolding details of my NEPA wedding have been fabulous here. Elsewhere… There’s been issues.

I know I’m not alone with this. I’ve seen it discussed on the Wedding Bee forums and as Ariel at Offbeat Bride will remind you – YOUR WEDDING IS NOT A CONTEST. My wedding is not a contest. I want to throw an awesome party and get married in front of all my friends and family. BUT, I would be happy just getting hitched as long as it was to my fella.

So why are so many other people convinced that my wedding is a contest, and I am so clearly losing?

I’ve had a few recent instances of people telling my plans were not good enough. Um, excuse me? It’s not good enough that I’m marrying the love of my life and that we’ve found a nice place for the party? Just because there’s no windows in the reception hall, where we’ll be having our evening reception in OCTOBER. Or cause a single broken ceiling fan is going to make us look trashy? Really?

As Eric Cartman would say: “Get the fudge out.”

Here’s the deal. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding. You have to decide what’s right for you, and roll with it. Should you ask for advice from trusted friends/family? Sure. Should you listen to your mom or FMIL when they have an idea they want you to hear? You bet. But unsolicited negativity ain’t gonna cut it. I’ve been mad about this for days, but that’s not going to solve my problem either. So therefore, I present to you the NEPA Bride Creed:

I will…

• Have a wedding that I love, and remember that it’s all about the future hubs and me.
• Ask for advice and help when I need it.
• Listen to our parents advice. We don’t have to take it, but we should hear them out and try to use a few of the ideas we like, since they are kind enough to contribute to the wedding.
• Not go broke paying for this wedding.
• Not let anyone else go broke paying for this wedding.
• Make sure our guests have fun.
• Do some mad DIY-ing and add some personal touches to our day.

I will not…

• Stand for negativity.
• Let anyone else dictate the type of wedding I should have.
• Let stress pile up until I wig out.
• Be pressured into a huge, expensive wedding. (If you want to do that and can – kick ass! Go do it. But you should never, ever feel that you have to have anything in your wedding cause it’s expected of you)
• Wear a dress I can’t breathe in, shoes I can’t walk in, or any other ridiculous fashion contraption.
• DIY until my fingers bleed. We only start projects that really matter. And that we’ll actually finish.
• Do the chicken dance (SRSLY).

I hope I’m not the only one. Your wedding should be awesome. When the stress starts piling up, lets take a deep breathe and remember this post. And then tell everyone to Get. The. Fudge. Out.

I feel like I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. Maybe a little too much to handle. With some family illnesses on both sides, waiting for the proposal, and a lot of work drama… I’ve been wearing around the edges, to say the least. So, after a few good cries this weekend, I’m trying to come up with a plan to get myself back on track. Here’s what I have so far:

• Appointment with my doctor tomorrow to find a way to cope with/heal the tension in my neck. The muscles are so tight that I have headaches all the time.
• Slowly upping the amount of exercise I get each day. Anything more than ‘none’ is bound to help elevate my mood, right?
• Drink more water.
• Sleep better. I function best on 8 hours of sleep a night.

What else am I missing? Work is it’s whole own beast – I’m going to talk to my boss about how to best delegate and spread things out to relieve my stress and also ensure sh*t gets done. But for home… if anyone has good advice about relaxing, meditating, or anything else to help me de-stress, I’m very interested!