Since we’re getting married in a Catholic church, NEPA Groom and I had to complete a pre-Cana class in order to move forward with our preparations. And since the King’s College Chapel isn’t like a regular, full parish, they don’t offer one of their own. NEPA Groom and I looked at all of our options and decided to do the one day seminar style class. Thankfully, the Diocese of Scranton offers a lot of options and is pretty thorough with the information they provide on their website. We registered and attended our pre-Cana class in February, well in advance of the big day.

Now, neither of us really knew what to expect, and I was particularly nervous because I’m not Catholic. All the research I did online really didn’t help because in situations like this, it seems like it can vary from Parish to Parish. So, if you’re doing pre-Cana in the Northeast PA area, my review will probably be more accurate. Either way, I hope you find it useful!

The class was scheduled from 8 am to 4 pm at a church about 20 minutes away from us, so it was an early and long day. We got there and got signed in, and they had some breakfast waiting for everyone. The room was set up with round tables, with two couples per table. There were a lot of good things that we got from the day, and some *interesting* things.

The Good

The class was run by a married couple, and was fairly relaxed. Having gone through this themselves, they tried to keep things light hearted where they could to break the ice. This particular couple was also time conscious, and covered everything thoroughly and still got us out 2 hours early. Sweet!

I think the whole day opened up a lot of good conversations for us – we really heard more about the magnitude of the commitment we were making, and it really started to hit home for us both. We also took the FOCCUS test, and have been having a good time going over those answers with our priest and talking about our expectations of marriage and what we want to see happen.

Finally, the class was very accepting of non Catholics. In fact, the couple made a point to thank any of us who weren’t Catholic for coming and for being open to at least listening to what they had to say. They made a point of not trying to force anything on any of us. They asked that we’d have an open mind and said it was up to us to decide

The *Interesting*

And then… then, well, I guess there’s no nice way to say this. But then there were the other couples in the room. I’m sure some of them were nice. I’m sure some of them were genuine and in love and headed towards healthy marriages. I just didn’t get to sit next to any of them.

We took the FOCCUS test first, and to keep things truthful, the boys from one side took their tests across the room and the girls from over there joined the ladies on the other side. I kid you not, during the test, the 3 other women at my table cheated on the test with each other. They asked each other for answers like it was a middle school math exam, not an inventory designed to identify points for conversation with the person you plan on marrying. They literally took the whole test together, identifying the answers that would cause the least waves, rather than what might be the truth.

After that, the couple that was at our table with us spent most of the six hours we were there texting other people on their cell phones, and showing each other the texts they were getting. At each break opportunity, they jumped up to go talk to someone else. It was a little discouraging to see, but I did my best to focus back on NEPA Groom and why WE were there. I hope maybe something managed to stick with them and will help them down the road!

Has anyone else taken their pre-cana class in the Northeast PA region? How did your experience compare? Did you get anything good out of it?

Wedding registries are supposed to be one of the “fun” wedding tasks you have to complete. But I’ve seen a lot of posts griping and moaning about how uncomfortable it makes people or how they don’t need anything. I don’t think it’s for everyone, but I do think it’s practical thing to do. Most guests expect it, and appreciate knowing that they’re getting you something you want and need. At the very least, you can always register for lots of sheets and towels, extra glasses, and maybe a few fun things, right? Right.

NEPA Groom and I have lived at home since college and won’t live together until we’re married, so we’re almost like the stereotypical couple doing the registry stuff. We need just about everything. Both parents have gifted us a few things already, like a coffee pot to keep my homicidal urges at bay wake me up in the morning, knives that I can’t touch before coffee, and a few other kitchen things. We also have some furniture we’ll inherit, along with some never used plates and flatware.

That being said, we still needed lots of stuffs, so I did the research and decided we’d hit two places, Target and Macy’s. We’ve been doing the Target stuff all online, though I want to hit up their scanners in store for a few furniture pieces. After our pre-cana adventure that’s soon to be chronicled, we stopped at Macy’s to start one there. The consultant was super helpful and got us started with no problem. And I got a free bag:

Yay <3<3<3<3 It carries my wedding pretties now. We spent about an hour in Macy’s scanning things like sheets, towels and some kitchen gadgets. We generally decided the things we wanted to be nicer, and in a higher price point, would go on the Macy’s list. Their sheets looked better than Target’s, though there are cute ones at both stores. Macy’s also wins with their Martha Stewart collection! After about an hour though, we were both pooped. It’s a little stressful trying to pick the right things all at once, so we called it a day and added more stuff online later.

My tips for choosing where to register would be:

• Check return policies. Make sure you’re ok with it before you commit.
• Check availability for guests. Older guests don’t want the intarwebs. They want to go to a store. Is there a retail location near the bulk of your guests that they can visit.
• Try to add more than the number of guests you have, but don’t feel pressured to “double” like they want you to. I can’t imagine needing all the stuff that I’m supposed to need. We’ll probably have a ratio of 1.3 items per guest on our lists. It’s a little extra to choose from, but not crazy big.
• Register for what you’re comfortable with. They’ll push you to bigger and better and crazier but if you don’t need fine china, by all means don’t register for it.

And finally, I’d say DO register for a few things, even if you’re against it. It’s a good thing to do, it provides your guests with some direction, and it’s not greedy. I hear a lot of brides have all this guilt over registering. Forget that. It’s a given rule that if you’re getting married, someone somewhere will get you a gift. They want you to like your gift. Hence, the registry.

How was your registering experience? Did you find it fun or exhausting? Did you go in store or do it all online?

So a while back NEPA Groom sent me this:

(source)

Sigh. Yes, those are zombies. The boy, he loves them. I’m fairly confident he’s joking about the zombie cake. We’ve made a game out of searching for the most ridiculous wedding pictures we can find and send them to each other over Facebook. I think our friends are still amused. At any rate, a lot of our friends have told us that I ‘just have’ to let him do the zombie cake. Um. Sure.

Though I’m thinking maybe we should make some concessions. We are prepping ourselves for married life, right? He can have the zombie cake if I can do this:

(source)

Two of our favorite inspiration sources are Wedinator and Awkward Family Photos. Do you have any favorite sites that you go to for some wedding laughs?

As part of a fairly well established couple, sometimes I forget how things work on the ‘outside’. Or at least, the outside of our little universe. Sometimes I have to catch myself because friends will share relationship stories (and sometime relationship disasters) and I find myself amazed at the problems people encounter. I do my best to sympathize and offer advice, if I can. Often I find I just have to listen. NEPA Groom and I have only ever dated each other, so I can’t pretend I understand the ins and outs of every relationship problem.

Last week, a work friend said to me, “You guys are so cute. It’s nice to watch you both because you, you know, genuinely enjoy each other’s company and I’m glad to know that it’s actually happening out there.”

It was kind of heavy. I don’t like the idea that we’re out there, a happy little monogamous island to ourselves. I don’t think our relationship is as unusual and hard to achieve as it seems either. But I don’t want to fool anyone – it’s hard work to commit to someone, and I’m sure it only gets harder. But it also gets more rewarding. We went into this because we wanted to be with each other. And we still want to be with each other, so we do what we need to each day to make that bond stronger. I don’t have a magic formula, but some of the things that have helped us:

1. Stop thinking about you. Well, not all the time. You should still have goals and dreams and wants. Don’t become just half of a couple. You’re still you. But when you look at your goals and dreams and wants, do you think about how that affects your partner? Or do you think about their goals and what you can do to help? Their goals should be yours, and vice versa. You grow and improve together.

2. Be honest. Whatever it is, just tell them. You smoked weed last week in college? Fess up. You lied about drinking the last beer in the fridge? Tell ‘em and buy them more! You had some past issues with boyfriends/girlfriends/the law/your parents? Let them know. After a certain point, it’s not ok to have secret emotional baggage.

3. Lighten up. This has been the hardest for me. If you can’t laugh and have fun, then what’s the point:

What do you all think are the keys to a good relationship? What kind of advice have you been given that has helped your marriage?

Just popping in quickly to wish the happiest of happy birthdays to my favorite boy. Without him, this blog wouldn’t exist, and my life would surely not be as happy and interesting as it is:

Happy birthday! Love you :-*

FH and I were out for dinner tonight, celebrating our 4 year dating anniversary, and I asked him how he felt about me blogging about our wedding planning process. Half of the story is his, so I wanted to make sure there were no problems before I got too involved. His response?

“Well of course I have no problem with you bragging about how amazing I am on the internet.”

Hahaha sigh I love him.